You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
