I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
