Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
