i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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