we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
