I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize