His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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