Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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