you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
