I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
