Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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