I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
