if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
