When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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