when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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