the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
