1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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