U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
