Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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