I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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