T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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