My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
