about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize