So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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