You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
