As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
