You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize