Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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