I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
