I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize