How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
