There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize