So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
