too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
