Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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