an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
