i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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