she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
