how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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