whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
