I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
