just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
