it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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