remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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