Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize