you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize