I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
