we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
