Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
