I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
