My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
