I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize