I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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