you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
