they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize