There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
