i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Alive.
So much puke
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
