Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
