Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
So. Much. Porn.
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