Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
