just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
