I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
