I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My vagina is officially offended.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
