My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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