Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
