my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize