i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
