I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
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