Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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