at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
