i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
