i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
